It has been over a year since returning from Australia so I thought it due time to reflect on the year, and what a year it has been. This was probably the most crazy, hectic, ridiculously busy year I have ever had. And I don't usually say overstatements like that often. The last two semesters (and I am two weeks away from finals for this one) have been overwhelming, God has shown me His grace in huge ways, but it has been completely overwhelming. Last semester, my first semester back in the states, I took off a bit too much to chew. I decided to take 16 units which was five classes and a choir that met 6 hours a week and performed every other Sunday. Then, because that was not enough, I starting working at not just one, but two part time jobs and towards the end of the semester I was working somewhere around 30 hours a week... yes, we all needed to breathe at this point. So this semester I made the difficult choice to not be in choir for the first time in just about eight years and although difficult, it has allowed me the space I needed to thrive instead of just survive. But, as most of you are smart, you probably note that means I still am taking 16 units and working at my two jobs mainly with the drive to get married this next June and be self-sufficient. Whew, time to breathe again.
And part of me wonders if this crazy year was due to my study abroad experience. In Australia I had the time of my life. I was challenged, pushed, independent, adventurous, frustrated, lonely, overjoyed, awestruck, and thriving. So why come back to create a schedule for myself that is overwhelming, difficult, and burdening? It is so interesting the almost instant pressure that occur upon my arrival back in the states. Suddenly I needed to be an adult again, one who thought about the future and how I would become great and achieve the high American ideals of success. But could it have been such a rough transition due to culture shock? Because I was doing all these things- 5-6 classes with a choir and a job of about 15 hours a week- before I left for Australia and given I did take on too much last semester, I saw and felt my breaking point daily, but maybe it was even more difficult because of the change in pace from the Australian life.
Americans never stop. Ever. We just go and go and go. I had a "break" this summer and decided to stay home the whole time but what did I do? Worked 20 hours a week and had an internship. And although I had a lot of down time and was deeply fulfilled by all my work and activities through my job and internship, there was always a pressure to complete and be busy. I don't think I am truly able to be at peace with being alone and to stop. I am an extrovert; it is how God made me to be fueled off people and in social situations but there is a difference between extroversion and being a busybody; a distinction I have yet to comprehend or live healthily. And our society does nothing but encourage such active lifestyle. Take college for example. We are pressured with finishing school in four years because it cost so dang expensive, so as a result we want to make the most of every single moment because we are Americans and have worked hard for our money so we must get each pennies worth. So we are encouraged (or forced) to take 5-6 classes and must retain all that information in order to thrive in the work force and be able to show that we have a degree because Heaven forbid we not know the answer to a question about our major. Not just that but we must make friends and have a great social life while volunteering in our community, going to chapel, having a perfect relationship with God, and getting straight A's all on three hours of sleep. And then we are surprised to find we have grey hair.
All this to say, cultures are weird. Each one has its distinct quirk and frustration but I think it is fascinating to see how leaving, being independent as a traveler and going outside our comfort zone impacts us at such a deep level. I wouldn't trade my experience or really my life for anything. I am so so incredibly blessed with my family, my friends, and my homes, so I don't want that to be a moral of this rather lengthy rant. But rather that whether we like it or not, studying abroad or immersing ourselves in another culture and places impacts us. Even though I had two months to readjust, I didn't take the time to process or recognize and it has really been on my heart lately. It has finally just started raining here in SoCal and this time last year in this weather I was in Australia, listening to music in my host home while drinking tea and doing homework and remembering that gives me such a peace. I always knew I was slow but I didn't know I was that slow that it would take a year to truly appreciate my experience and remember it for the beauty that it was. And I am 21. Haha, I am so grateful to have a God who remembers me and knows me as beautiful and isn't slow to realize me as such. AND that He promises no matter where I go, what culture shock I feel, or how I experience life that He will be with me every step and every moment. Ah, and were back where we started, time to breathe.
No comments:
Post a Comment